I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
