the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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