Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
