you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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