He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
