What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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