Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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