We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
