that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
