apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
