He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
