you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
