I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
