I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
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I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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