my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
