Buhtt sex?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
