So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i think my cat just said my name.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
