eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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