there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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