I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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