So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
