u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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