she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
