I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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