im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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