i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
