I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
