I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
