Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
