I could make wine with my vomit
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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