And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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