I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is the high leading the old right now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
