quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
