Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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