i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
