Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
