I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fuck appropriateness.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I did not marry a roomba.
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