I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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