Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
