I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
