My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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