I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
