I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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