My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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