I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
