apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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