I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
