If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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