do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
