Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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