If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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