Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
