There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
