drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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