Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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