I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
