I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
