were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
