I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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