I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
