I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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