You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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