Already got asked if we're dating
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
