I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
