i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
