Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
