Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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