Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
