Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
